How can a young girl be charismatic

Learning charisma: 13 tips for more charisma

It should be a special gift bestowed by God. An irresistible force that, apart from beauty or rhetoric, casts a spell over people. A miracle cure for professional success and an almost effortless rise to the top of power. We are talking about charisma. But what if God overlooked you when you were giving presents and you were not blessed with the “special gift”? We'll tell you what is really hidden behind the term charisma and how you can learn to be charismatic.

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1. Definition: Charisma comes and charisma goes
2. How is the personality trait “charisma” expressed?
3. Charismatic people are born leaders
4. Charisma and narcissism are often closely related
5. Charisma is based on seven pillars
6. Charismatics are "immune" to charisma
7. Checklist: In 13 steps from “inconspicuous” to charisma

Definition: Charisma comes and charisma goes

As beautiful as the definition “a special gift given by God” may sound, it is unfortunately also unrealistic - or should we say “luckily”. In truth, charisma is not an innate gift that a person either has or not.

Charisma is a personality trait that can be both innate and acquired.

As a rule, it does not occur permanently, but only in certain situations and is only perceived by others. Charisma is therefore ascribed to you by your counterpart - or not. In contrast to other personality traits such as a person's intelligence, charisma is therefore situation-dependent and changeable. To put it simply: Charisma comes and charisma goes!

How is the personality trait “charisma” expressed?

Still, the term “charisma” is somehow difficult to grasp. The lexicons seem to struggle with a uniform definition and the religious description of the “special gift” or the designation of the “certain something” do not provide much information. Each of you should know Charisma and either have already experienced it or even master it in appropriate situations. They can hardly avert their eyes from a charismatic person, greedily suck up every word from their mouth and feel impressed afterwards - or better: inspired.

"Charisma is like burning in a fire in people,
the glow of the candle,
the sparkle in precious stones, gold and silver.
It's something spiritual. "
(Li Liweng)

Charismatic people have a captivating effect on their fellow human beings. You almost automatically receive their full attention, appear friendly, open, self-confident and fascinating because of their charisma. They quickly become role models for their social environment and, intentionally or unintentionally, take on a leadership role. But what exactly is that and what exactly charisma is remains a mystery. A riddle that we will solve together!

Charismatic people are born leaders

But first we want to briefly deal with the economic theory on the subject of "charisma". This leadership role, which has just been described, is also anchored in management theory and goes by the name "Transformational leadership". Accordingly, people can identify with a charismatic leader. Trust develops within the group as well as positive group dynamics. Your performance increases and with it the satisfaction of the individual group members. Charismatics are therefore born leaders.

“Charisma is the art of enchanting others.
Charisma and motivation are closely related. "
(Nikolaus B. Enkelmann)

Danger: The high degree of identification that a charismatic leader achieves in a group can turn into harmful conformity. You can find out more about this in the article “Not because of swarm intelligence: conformity makes you stupid!”.

Charisma and narcissism are often close together

And there is another aspect to be careful: Charisma is a largely positive term, but in many cases business psychologists see it as close to narcissism. Actually be narcissistic personalities often perceived as extremely charismatic by those around them. This is due, among other things, to their (apparently) increased self-confidence. When promoting an employee to a management position, companies should therefore take a closer look at charismatic personalities:

All narcissists have a charismatic effect on those around them. Not all charismatics are necessarily narcissistic.

Charisma can therefore be an indication of a narcissistic personality disorder - but it doesn't have to be. A second look at a particularly charismatic person can certainly not hurt!

Charisma is based on seven pillars

Charisma is also such a difficult term to grasp because it is based on many different personality traits and only when they are mixed does it become a whole, that "certain something". There is disagreement about the type and number of these features. However, if you deal more intensively with the topic, you will always come across plus minus the same seven pillars:

  1. Self love
  2. satisfaction
  3. Self-confidence
  4. Determination
  5. energy
  6. Extroversion
  7. communication

First pillar: self-love, but not self-love

In a highly competitive world, many people today are dissatisfied with themselves. The Your colleague is leaner, your neighbor richer, your best friend smarter - Our society is increasingly falling into a self-optimization mania. What is lost is the simple art of contentment. Perhaps this is precisely where the fascination of a charismatic person lies. Because this one has self-love and thereby a deep inner peace. He is one with himself, despite all his imperfection. A quality that many people long for and which they therefore particularly admire in their charismatic counterpart.

But be careful: Self-love represents a deep acceptance of oneself and often also the social environment, but not an excessive self-love. Anyone who thinks they are perfect, even something “better”, is probably narcissistic and not charismatic. A small, but significant difference!

Second pillar: satisfaction in a dissatisfied society

Because a charismatic can accept and love himself with all his flaws and quirks, he radiates a deep satisfaction and serenity. He appears confident, trusts in life, in the future and above all in himself. Such satisfaction is difficult to find in our discontented society. For this reason, it is attractive to the social environment of a charismatic person. After all, we all want to be satisfied - and perhaps something can still be learned from the charismatic at this point.

Third pillar: healthy self-confidence

This satisfaction and serenity result from a healthy self-confidence. Those who can accept and love themselves also develop trust in their own abilities. A charismatic person knows about himself Talents and strengths, but also about his Weaknesses and limits. As a result, he achieves a healthy level of self-confidence, can assess tasks more realistically, tackle them with full confidence and ultimately lead to success. Only those who believe in themselves can ultimately also make others believe in themselves. A phenomenon that could be observed in many leaders who were experienced as charismatic: From John F. Kennedy to Barack Obama to Mahatma Gandhi.

Fourth pillar: Contagious determination

And all these people had something else in common: You had a mission. Especially people who seem to float aimlessly in the basin of life are only too happy to be infected by such a mission. The search for meaning - be it in life or simply in work - is deeply anchored in people and probably the reason for the early emergence of the various world religions.

But it seems to be spoiled for choice, which is currently killing people. In a world full of possibilities, you seem more disoriented than ever before. Those who can have it all may just not know what they want. So the one chases after the great wealth, the second the steep career and the third his private family happiness. Some will find “meaning” in it, but many end up feeling emptied.

And this is exactly where the charismatic docks. He sets goals, pursues them in a disciplined manner and makes them a reality. With all this he remains - as described above - calm and satisfied. He exudes motivation, a firm belief in the achievability of these goals and an overwhelming anticipation. No wonder that it is so attractive to a driven, restless and, above all, meaningless society.

Reading tip:Determination: Set goals correctly and achieve them

Fifth pillar: Intoxicating energy

The charismatic person draws a unique energy from this fundamental satisfaction with himself and his environment, the trust in the future and the irrepressible anticipation of the goals he has set for himself, which give him meaning in life. Of course, he might like to go jogging in the morning or take a short power nap during his lunch break. The four cups of coffee a day may also help. But the energy of a charismatic cannot be compared to such a purely physical energy.

Rather, it is about a spiritual thirst for action that also has a rousing effect on the environment. This includes a high degree of willingness to learn, professional and social interest, the aforementioned determination, organization, discipline as well as satisfaction and a beaming smile. This energy ultimately results in transformational leadership, which can generate such great motivation in individuals and groups. This energy is also the result of the pillars of self-love and satisfaction, because these have a health-promoting effect on the body and mind. An unfamiliar phenomenon in a world of work that is characterized by exhaustion, senselessness, excessive demands, stress and being burned out.

Sixth pillar: Automatic extroversion

This energy of a charismatic is particularly captivating because he carries it outwards and lets his social environment participate in it. He becomes, so to speak, a Energy source of his counterpart, possibly even a whole group, an entire company or as a politician even for a country. A charismatic person appears open, accessible and authentic. He is the epitome of extroversion and easily wins the trust of those around you. He automatically becomes the focus of a social grouping. Unfortunately, in the case of a charismatic narcissist, this also carries great danger.

Seventh pillar: communication genius

Communication is the be-all and end-all. Through his extroverted nature, the charismatic seeks conversation with his counterpart. In doing so, he shows - with narcissists usually only pretended - interest in the other person. He is trying actually understand your interlocutorwithout half-heartedly glancing at the smartphone. Charismatics are usually true communication geniuses. They are articulate and know how to control their body language. They use power poses - unconsciously or consciously - to pull the other person under their spell and symbolically take them by the hand.

Charismatics are "immune" to charisma

In a nutshell: Charismatics instill strong positive feelings in other people. The "weaker" a person is emotionally or in his personality, the more susceptible he is to the charisma. This means: the more a person longs for someone who will “take them by the hand”, the more likely they will look for a charismatic as a leader, be it in their professional or private life. If the charisma goes hand in hand with a personality disorder, for example narcissistic or psychopathic, this can be quite dangerous, as is so often observed with sects. It is exciting that charismatics themselves are apparently "immune" to charisma. As a result of their healthy self-love and their general life satisfaction, they usually do not allow themselves to be (strongly) influenced from outside. Therefore, they rarely tend to conform.

Checklist: In 13 steps from “inconspicuous” to charisma

But you have already learned: Charisma is a snapshot. Some always have it, others never. Most people, however, have charisma at times. For example, they thrive in top form in the face of a crisis or infect their long-established colleagues through their motivation in the new job. Anyone who consciously deals with the topic can develop their charisma from a situation-related to a permanent personality trait. And don't worry: even if you don't have the luck of the “innate gift”, you can learn charisma. How? We'll tell you:

  1. Practice self-love and develop a healthy sense of self. This forms the basis for charisma as well as a fulfilled and happy life. You can find more tips on this in the article "Strengthening self-confidence: 20 tips & 3 exercises".
  2. Pay attention to your external appearance. The saying “clothes make the man” is very true.
  3. Be authentic. This applies not only to the choice of clothing, but above all to your words and actions.
  4. Therefore, make sure that your body language matches what is being said and that you use open facial expressions and gestures.
  5. Show interest through eye contact.
  6. Actively listen and ask questions. Make sure that the parts of the conversation are distributed fairly. It is better to give your interlocutor more time before you flood him with information.
    Reading tip:4-ears model: How good communication really works on the job
  7. Try to actually understand your counterpart. Practice empathy and take different perspectives. People will trust you when they feel that they accept you and understand you without judgment.
  8. Always be honest when you speak up. This is the only way to keep your authentic appearance in the long term.
  9. Once you've gained someone's trust, don't break it. Rebuilding lost trust is an almost impossible task.
  10. Remain true to yourself and your opinion without pursuing compliance.
  11. Be brave to go your own way and swim against the current if necessary.
  12. So set yourself goals in life, pursue them purposefully and actively communicate them to the outside world. We reveal how this works in the article “Determination: Setting goals correctly and achieving them”.
  13. Remain as enthusiastic as a kid. Practice anticipation and a positive attitude. You can also look forward to the smallest successes. This not only serves your charisma, but also your general joie de vivre.

As usual, you can download this checklist here free of charge.

Try it out and you too will become a charismatic person with that "certain something". What positive effects does your newfound charisma have on your professional and perhaps also your private life? When do you perceive a person as charismatic and how do you think this “special gift” comes about? We look forward to your suggestions, opinions and experiences on the subject of charisma in the comments.

Photo credit: Photo by Rachel Pfuetzner on Unsplash

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