Am I ugly, I think I am
: I'm ugly
contentRead on one side
She comes from the country and grew up between two older and one younger brother. "Big cats," she says. "I didn't just have to be like the boys. My father expected that from me. As a girl I also had to do something special. If the boys didn't want to, they said: Annette, you do it. That not all boys are brothers?" When I was fifteen I hadn't made the jump where other girls had already made themselves valuable. "
We walk through the cold wind on the river. This morning was a rehearsal. The ugly Sonja loves a man unrequitedly. "It must hurt me," says Annette Paulmann. "The body is much more precise than the head. When I have found it in myself, I can give it." She stops and says to me what Sonja says: "I know that I am ugly. I know it. Look at me. I am ugly. There is nothing more!" Your voice is firm. She holds her face up to me. She holds it. It hurts me She looks at me and beams: "Good! That's mine! Men can't reflect in their bodies like that. Especially not when they are beautiful."
The man Sonja loves covers her with his Weltschmerz. He disregards the woman in her. "I know that," says Annette Paulmann. "I really always have to struggle with the tired man. With me he wants to eat and is poor and sick. With the other one he is healthy. When I'm in love and he laughs at me in a friendly way, I play the brave one and take friendship . "
"And women?" I ask.
"I'm bad at women. Because they're so terribly stupid! Sometimes."
Next time we'll meet in the café. Walls made of glass. The landlord wears a ring in his ear and calls on the guests. Again she comes from the rehearsal. "You look beautiful today," she says in greeting. That's what Sonja says in the play to the man who doesn't love her. She is "really good". Because: "What I set out to do will be bought." Director Jürgen Flimm agrees with her draft of the character. No wretched figure, no gray mouse. When Sonja looks at the man who doesn't want her, she thinks the dream dancer could be happy to have a woman like me. She is lonely. "Difficult to keep yourself upright." She is not alone. "I'm Sonja's older friend," says Annette Paulmann. "She doesn't know. I know. You can argue with me very well and get along very well. What I can't stand for is when people say something to me that they don't mean."
About Sonja, she tells me, people say: "Fine mouth, clever eyes, beautiful hair too, by the way". I look at her and think: That's right. "So it's presumptuous," she says seriously. "That way she always feels the confirmation that she is not beautiful." Has Sonja ever slept with a man? Annette Paulmann smiles. "I don't think so," she says tenderly. What about the other woman, the beautiful one? "Jelena? My stepmother!" Suddenly she is sitting at the table, very tidy. "She falls over with laziness. I stole the sentence from Uncle Vanya. I am allowed to let the other woman starve to death on the outstretched arm. That is a pleasure. We are both on stage. She says the first sentence. And? - Turn away. Did she say something? " Her dark eyes are veiled. She turns her nose roughly from east to west. Such anger at women?
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