How to cut psychological cords

How to cut an unhealthy bond with someone

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Many of us instinctively want to take away the pain of another person, especially a loved one, but this can be unhealthy for those who are soaking up their negative energy.

I have learned to be present for my patients, but not to shoulder their complaints. Since I often give workshops and speak in front of hundreds of people, it is important that I ground and protect myself. Then I will not absorb the suffering of the participants - suffering is present in all people - which is amplified in large groups. This allows me to do the lessons I love and not get exhausted from excessive stimulation.

One strategy I teach my patients and workshop attendees to help them maintain healthy relationships is a string. CuttingVisualization Technique. My patient Terry noticed that she had taken in her mother's fear since childhood. She has a big heart and unconsciously took in the feelings of her loved ones. Once Terry became aware of this dynamic, I taught her to set boundaries by imagining herself severing an energetic cord between herself and her mother's fear. This technique (from my book, The empath's guide to survival) allowed Terry to create a healthy boundary and still remain a caring daughter.

Practice partial wire cutting visualization

When you feel like you are too connected to a person's physical or emotional state, imagine a string of light stretching from your stomach to theirs. Then lovingly set your intention to cut the cord with their pain or discomfort - you are not severing the connection with the whole person. Next, picture yourself taking a pair of scissors and cutting the string between you and the aspect of the person you want to be cleared of.

Sometimes, because of reciprocity, you attract a certain type of negative person to emotional problems you both need to heal. This can lead to you entering into an unhealthy "wound partner" relationship in which you repeat the wounding process over and over with each other. There is some strange psychological consolation to this, for it is what you both know and what you are used to. You become attached to a poisonous person and you cannot let go. This keeps you stuck in a painful cycle. For example, your low self-esteem attracts people who criticize you, and the critic attracts people who may belittle you because their parents belittled you. Be careful not to maintain such wound partner relationships. Instead, seek encouragement from these people - friends, co-workers, spouses, or others - to develop confidence and heal the original wound. Then you can grow out of those relationships and find more fulfilling ones.

Some energy vampires, such as narcissists, are so toxic that you must stop all contact with them. To end this type of relationship (or connect with someone you want a full break with), go cold turkey: move around and never look back. Also, use this strategy to completely sever an energetic cord with them.

Practice a complete visualization on wire cutting

In a calm state, imagine strings of light connecting the two of you. Internally, even if the lessons have been difficult, say “thank you” for what you have learned from the relationship. Then state firmly, "It is time to break our bonds completely." Next, imagine taking a pair of scissors and completely cutting off each bond so that you don't have mutual energetic bonds. This will help you break up the relationship and remove the remaining energy from the person that you are feeling.

Got an honorable degree. This technique can help you release a relationship, especially if you keep thinking about the person or feeling like they are thinking about you. Go out into nature and find a big stick. Look at the stick and explain, "This relationship is over." Then break the stick in half, leaving the pieces on the floor, walk away and never look back. This concludes the graduation ceremony.

Learning to set healthy boundaries with those you dehydrate, or take complete breaks when necessary, will protect your sensitivities and improve your wellbeing.

Adapted from The Empath's Survival Guide: Life Strategies for Sensitive People.