Smoking makes you a cowboy

10 reasons for smoking

There are really many good reasons to be and to stay a smoker: Fuck yourselves, dear non-smokers! Not only have you been trying for years to restrict our freedoms more and more, no, you also have to have your own World Day. In any case, here with us you still indulge in the cultivated smoking culture. You know, the desks littered with tobacco crumbs, filters rolling around on the floor, glasses with the lungs removed next to the picture of mom.

Because we know why smoking is so much better than not smoking, even though, according to the federal government's drug report, almost 110,000 Germans die each year from smoking. But we all have to die at some point and since we also want to help you, unsocial little health fetishists, switch to the right side, here are our ten reasons for you to run to the nearest cigarette machine for a stick full of smoking happiness. But as I said, smoking is still fatal.

If you look at how many of the famous, beautiful, creative, rich and powerful smoke, one can hardly come to any other conclusion than this: Smoking makes you famous (and beautiful and creative and rich and powerful). Sure, Helmut Schmidt is the standard example and therefore may not seem so convincing - although you have to give him a certain swag when he blows his smoke in Beckmann's face again. But come on, you would also like to be the next Coco Chanel, Barack Obama or Mark Twain. Robert Pattinson at the latest should be the reason for you to quickly clear the tomato paste cans from the storage cupboards and fill them with fluff!

Summer is just around the corner, your bikini figure is at stake and you dread going to the lido? According to scientific findings, the nicotine contained in cigarettes could be just the thing for your bloated winter body. The active ingredients contained in it are able to curb your appetite and ensure a certain feeling of satiety. So instead of relying on a balanced diet and regular exercise, you just get yourself a pack of sucking sticks at the nearest gas station. What do you think, why the many skinny models and luminaries in the fashion industry can't do without it?

The three magical Ks of every morning digestion: coffee, butt, poop. Many know the terrifying truth. Without the glowing stick to the cornflakes, not too much is possible on the locus. For friends of intestinal science: The parasympathetic nervous system stimulated by smoking stimulates gastric juice production and leads to increased intestinal activity and thus stimulation of digestion. However, nicotine makes you pee less. Crazy.

Reason 4: Only the best die young

According to a study by the Max Planck Institute for Psychiatry in Munich, the risk of suicide among smokers is up to four times higher than among their non-smoking contemporaries. And anyway, as we all know by now, smoking shortens your own life by a few years, not just for psychological reasons. But let's be honest, who wants to hear all that shit in the end anyway? Osteoporosis, incontinence and Parkinson's as constant companions? No thanks. So do like the greats of the last few decades - Kurt Cobain, James Dean, Heath Ledger - and just check out a little earlier. So you don't have to worry about the right retirement provision.

Are you really workhorses and never get around to talking to your colleagues about the last episode of Germany's Next Topmodel to talk? The best time for such and less important topics is the classic cigarette break at work. This is a level of communication that a non-smoker can rarely really penetrate. You get your first experiences with it as a teenager, you know, back when only the smokers really belonged to the "cool kids" with the many social contacts - because you could have a quiet chat outside while puffing. That has changed Since then only a little. Only those who like to pull on the glowing stick can really have a say.

An athlete is someone who smokes and drinks and still performs well. This wisdom, which is thousands of years old, is truthfully just as pure as the nicotine that you pump into your body every day. Jamaicans who run the 100 meters in 9.58 seconds are admittedly pretty tough, capable bones. The real athletes, on the other hand, first enjoy a cigarette after crossing the finish line. So if you want to tow not just one but three representatives of the opposite or the same sex after the next big marathon, you should reconsider your health requirements. This is only conditionally beneficial for endurance, but honestly, who needs it?

How on earth are we supposed to recognize without cigarettes who the bad boys are in the Hollywood films (always fabricated according to the same pattern)? How do I know that the leading actress is about to have a nervous breakdown or is mentally unstable if she doesn't light a fluff with trembling hands? Do we then have to rely on the actors' acting talent? We say: no! The classic Hollywood film lives from its simple symbolism and its one-dimensionality. Without the typical accessories, eye patches and cigarettes, the sympathy compass is otherwise difficult to adjust.

Everything was better before. We've known since we were 19 at the latest. And of course we all miss the good old days when you were still allowed to read in restaurants. Even in Germany, even in the lecture hall, you could still let the professor fire you up until some time ago. Or in airplanes, do you still remember that? I remember back when I was ten and sat on the plane from Berlin to Ankara, wrapped in a cozy, warm blanket made of cigarette smoke. I have to have some black and white photos of it somewhere. Wait a minute, children!

Reason 9: Fuck you, philistine society!

The cigarette in the corner of the mouth is like the oral finger on all the healthy living organic baby yoga parents who wear Lulu Lemon and who try to control our lives from the five-room old apartment in Prenzlauer Berg. Who go for a quick jog in the morning before work and then drink protein shakes. That's why I like to stand at Helmholtzplatz in the morning to blow my cigarette smoke into the running route of the sweating health slaves. Ha!

“Don't let yourself be turned on! Get rid of tobacco advertising "is the motto of this year's campaign for World No Tobacco Day. But why? Why not just let it turn on? That should be a very nice feeling, I heard. Nevertheless: The move away from tobacco advertising in recent decades bears clear fruit. Unfortunately, compared to the glamorous works in the middle of the 20th century, the current cigarette advertising is just cold ashes. At that time everyone apparently smoked and of course diligently advertised it. Doctors and nurses told us on posters how healthy is the fag for the body. Senators and ministers that one should smoke for the good of the country. Santa Claus, the Flintstones and even babies had recognized the comforting power of tobacco. Times as golden as the teeth of chain smokers that have been since then can't stop. So what would we do without all the cool cowboys and preppy ladies in our street scene, if we really remove tobacco advertising? And then who will tell us what to buy in the end? Question after question. While you're thinking about it, let's go have a smoke first.

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