What is sex for men

Lust for Sex: The (small) difference between men and women

Video by Alina Bertacca

It is often said that women are looking for a producer and breadwinner for their children - and are therefore more cautious about sex and the choice of their sex partners. Men, on the other hand, have to spread their genetic material as widely as possible, which is why they are out and about in many beds. Always sounded super convincing. Fortunately, this thesis is now being questioned.

The American author Daniel Bergner ("The hidden lust of women") believes to have recognized that the lust of women is much greater than that of men. "The image of women who only use their sexuality to find a partner for life is wrong." According to Bergner, women are even less suited to monogamy than men.

An exciting thesis, if you consider that the social image says that women are less sex-oriented and should have fewer sexual partners than men. Regardless of whether Bergner's thesis is correct or not: We should therefore start carrying around less old clichés when it comes to the topic of female and male sexuality.

Read also: Panda Syndrome: When the passion is lost in the relationship

Chaste woman - wild man: old clichés and their effect

Video by Aischa Butt

Because the dusty image of female sexuality definitely has an effect on us and our lust. Even if we are not even aware of it. The development of sexual desire is influenced by numerous physical and psychological factors: lifestyle, hormones, fantasies, feelings and, of course, upbringing. So it's no wonder that the fairy tale of the chaste woman and the greedy man still persists in our heads and influences us.

Many also still think that men can more easily separate sex and feelings. Which of course is nonsense. A woman can also feel like having sex with a man without being in love with him.

What is still true is that for a man, sexuality is more of a physical thing, whereas for women, the head is always involved. So if you are stuck in the stress of everyday life or feel completely unloved, as a woman you will not be able to flip the switch and have fantastic sex. So you could - just not as fast as a man.

The influence of hormones

And because the whole thing with lust and sex between a woman and a man is not already complicated enough, the physical prerequisites for lust in women and men are extremely different.

Testosterone is the ultimate pleasure hormone - in both men and women. In men, the sex hormone is produced by the testes and (in small quantities) by the adrenal gland, in women it is produced by the ovaries and adrenal gland.

The female testosterone level is lower than the male. But that doesn't necessarily mean that women would feel less sexual appetite as a result. Because the female body reacts much more sensitively to testosterone than the male organism. In this respect, the unfair testosterone distribution is balanced again. So far so good.

Also read: Sex during menopause: 4 tips for (even) more fun

However, women's lust is also subject to large hormonal fluctuations, especially during the menstrual cycle. In the days leading up to ovulation, the female body experiences high levels of estrogen. Then the libido is at its peak (unlike in women who use hormonal contraception). After delivery, on the other hand, the milk hormone prolactin is formed, which slows down pleasure. For example, the female pleasure varies constantly to a certain degree depending on the cycle.

Reading tip: Sexual listlessness? This is how you help his libido on the jumps

Age and Sexual Desire

When it comes to age, women and men tick differently: in men, sexual desire is present from puberty and the first masturbations. The desire is very strong up to the age of 50 and can then slowly decrease.

Some men go through menopause as they get older; this hormonal change is called andropause (as opposed to menopause, the end of the menstrual period in women). In the andropause, testosterone production decreases and causes a decrease in libido in men.

In women, lust awakens a little later and increases steadily over time and, above all, with experience. Sexual maturity is reached around 35 years of age. During menopause, estrogen levels drop and the ovaries produce less testosterone. But since psychological factors also play a role in the female libido, pleasure does not necessarily decrease: women with a certain degree of maturity often have better sex than young women.

The best time for her and for him

As a woman, you often ask yourself: Why does he always want to sleep with me in the morning even though I'm not even really awake? Is that because of the morning bar? His erotic dreams? The cause, however, can be explained very physically: the testosterone level in men rises by 30 percent in the morning! This explains his exuberant libido when he wakes up.

Read also: 10 good reasons why morning sex is the best sex

If men are ready for all kinds of atrocities in the morning, women usually feel differently. It is well known that stress is one of the greatest lust killers. And so many women feel the need to be relaxed and balanced and to have their heads free to feel like having sex. And the best moment for this is more likely in the evening, when all tasks have been completed and you can relax and lie down.

Even with the seasons, man and woman do not play in a league thanks to their biorhythm. In women, lust awakens at the beginning of spring because the estrogen level skyrockets. In the case of men, the senses only develop a little later, when summer comes.

Talk and do

The crux with lust can of course put a lot of strain on a relationship: Because when it comes to sex, we are sensitive. After all, everyone wants to be valued and sought after. When the partner is not in the mood, the other feels rejected. In order to avoid arguments and misunderstandings, all that helps is to talk and make one or two compromises.

And for all those who often think that they are too stressed and busy or that their head is not there, the old adage is recommended: "The appetite comes when you eat." So just turn off your head and turn on the desire.

Away with the stupid to-dos of everyday life and here with love! Sex connects two people, it welds them closer together. And lust can fall asleep and then a relationship escapes a lot. And not infrequently, a relationship can even fail due to a lack of physicality.

Shared 462 times