Can you get pregnant as a man

Relationship test pregnancy : Why are you so exhausting?

My dear man!

It's unjust, insanely unfair. But that's the way it is: the woman has the children, and you, the man, stand by and wonder.

Have you found me a little exaggerated lately? It can be. "We're pregnant," you say and sigh. No, you're not. Or do you run to the bathroom about 15 times a night? Get off the U2 early at Spittelmarkt to throw yourself into a rubbish bin? Do you forego a glass of Sauvignon Blanc with your casual cigarette for a whole summer? And do your breasts hurt so much that you have to support them with your hands when walking downstairs? Do you have to parry the same sayings from complete strangers day in, day out? Do you live in the certainty that in just a few weeks in the back seat of a taxi you will breathe in contractions that will make you roar like a wounded animal?

Although nothing unusual happens to your body, there are a few things you could do, if possible without asking.

For example, be sure to be ready for a massage. Always.

It's not difficult. (But if you really don’t have what it takes to knead tense shoulders, give away a subscription of ten for the pregnancy massage. Yes, that’s expensive. If you do without pay-TV for one season, then you’ll be fine.)

Always hoarded enough food. Many supermarkets in Berlin are open until midnight, so there is no excuse. Do you think you know what hunger is and you believe the earth will keep turning even if there is no spaghetti egg with pesto Calabrese on the table? Please do not have any illusions.

Never fall asleep before me Your blissful, quiet snoring is nothing more than an affront. I've been heaving my stomach from side to side for hours, wide awake, so download the new season of "Girls" and have a chat!

An ultrasound appointment with the gynecologist is due. You will of course come along and show appropriate emotion. And please don't embarrass me with unqualified comments. (Note: the pregnancy countdown starts on the first day of your missed period. Google that, if you understand!)

Do you want love, sex and tenderness?

Unthinkable in the 1st trimester because of permanent nausea and abdominal pain. Possible in exceptional cases in the 2nd trimester. In the 3rd trimester against nature. Make a mosquito out of the elephant. So praise my "female" silhouette even if I look like I have run away from Serengeti Park. Tolerate if I plunder the household budget to buy a French maternity bathrobe for the hospital suitcase from "Sexy Mama". Hey, it will still fit later!

Be certain: the nest building instinct will drive me crazy too. Don't even try to influence it. We are happy to talk about it, but ultimately I decide what color the nursery wall is and where the changing table is set up (by you, of course).

Be sentimental at the right moments. I'm no longer the cynical beast I used to be. A new life is growing in my stomach! Talk to him! And please more than just: "Hello, uh, I'm your father ..."

Massage me long and persistently. Feet too. Oh, sorry, I already had that. Pregnancy forgetfulness is only a very mild form of breastfeeding dementia. Speaking of feet: Yes, I really have to have a pedicure that often. That's because I can't see or touch my toes. Can you imagine what that is like Can not you.

If you will be there, familiarize yourself with the process of a spontaneous birth.

Find out about things like CTG, PDA, vacuum extraction, cesarean section and episiotomy - and talk to me about it. Important so that you don't fall out of breath in the delivery room when suddenly there is a hectic rush and someone snipps at me.

But please don't be a smartass either. We discussed trying it without a PDA - and now I'm screaming for the anesthetist? Accept the change of direction and see that the anesthesia is placed. Right away.

Keep the visit away from me in the puerperium. Your great aunt wants to come? She can put a cream cake in front of the apartment door. So. That’s pretty rough. Please don't forget that I'll soon be myself again. After weaning, when our baby will be six or eight months.

Your wife.

To home page