What would you teach your children

11 tips: Promote independence in children

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The most important prerequisite for our loved ones to become independent is what is known as "basic trust". Children need to be sure that they will be loved unconditionally, regardless of success or failure. In this way they can courageously take the first steps towards independence.

Of course, children don't become independent overnight, but they start to want to make their own decisions at an early age. Parents accompany their children on this path and often have to learn themselves to always let them walk a little longer on their own.

"Children learn to make good decisions by making decisions, not by following rules."

(Alfie Kohn, "Love and Independence - The Art of Unconditional Parenthood")

Our tips: How to promote your child's independence in a natural way

1. Grant freedom, let it be discovered

Children need time and space to test their own abilities in the environment. But as parents we naturally worry and are afraid that something will happen to our children. Then a "No" or "You're still too small for that" quickly slips over the lips.

We can try to make such decisions more consciously and to take back our own fears a little - and, for example, let the child onto the monkey bars if they believe themselves to be able to do so and we suspect that they can actually do it on their own.

2. Allow personal initiative

Does your child have a suggestion or an idea? Wonderful! Anyone who takes the next generation seriously now promotes independence and self-confidence enormously. Discuss to what extent the child's ideas can be implemented.

3. Let yourself have your own experiences

Young children in particular have their own unique way of approaching new things. To encourage your child's independence, just let them try things out - even if it doesn't do everything "right". (And let's be honest: What is "right"? In the end, we adults can still learn a lot from our little ones.)

4. Let decisions be made

What do I want to wear today? Who do I want to invite to my birthday party? Making good decisions also needs to be practiced: If we leave the reins to our children more often - especially when it comes to things that affect them - you will learn how to do this step by step.

5. Don't lose everything

Yes, it is often quicker or tidier if we do it ourselves. Nevertheless: Do not take things from your child that they can actually do on their own. In this way, your child can perfect things like dressing, undressing, making bread or making ribbons, and at some point masters them as well as mom and dad.

6. Let yourself resolve conflicts if possible

Social interaction also requires independence. As long as the little ones do not wrestle with each other physically and there is a risk of injuring themselves, older children in particular should be allowed to independently seek solutions in conflict situations. You learn to make compromises, to assert yourself or to back off.

7. Transfer responsibility

Let your child help with the household, maybe even turn it into beautiful rituals, such as preparing dinner together. If your child is old enough and / or has the wish themselves, they can also plan shopping, a meal or an excursion - of course, the offspring can decide what to eat or where to go. Great for self-confidence! The responsibility of keeping your own room (more or less) tidy is also a good step in promoting children's independence.

8. Create a sense of achievement

"Yes, I can!" When we "master" tasks that were challenging but feasible, a feeling of happiness flows through us. This also applies to children. Important: give your offspring the time they need.

Successful learning? Very easy with scoyo:

9. Anger and frustration are okay

If something doesn't work right away, don't keep your child from "failing". It is important that they also learn to deal with failure. Show that negative feelings are completely okay and understandable. In this way, it can learn to accept that everything does not always work the first time - and then try again later.

10. Make clear agreements, show confidence

If your child wants to do something on their own that is causing you some discomfort, first show how well you find the suggestion / idea. But also create clear framework conditions that the child must adhere to so that they can do this all by themselves. For example, let your child walk alone as soon as they are old enough and are familiar with their surroundings. Agree on the times when they should be at home and what they will do in the event of a delay. Homework and learning should also be left to the child with increasing age, if the framework conditions have been agreed beforehand.

11. Encourage, catch up

Encourage your child and show them that you believe in them. And if something does go wrong: Consolation and encouragement are the best means of promoting self-confidence and independence.